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For Silas

I remember your first cry

And the silence that followed

And the oxygen bag puffing into your lungs

I remember the pinking up

And the sighs of relief

And holding you tight to my skin, whispering thanks to our God

I remember bringing you home

And the taking of turns

And how all of your siblings sounded as they learned to say your name

I remember footie pajamas

And your favorite juice

And how it screeched when you scraped the stool to the table to sneak a cookie

I remember when you were three

And trains were everything

And I still made work-all-night birthday cakes from scratch

I remember when you were shortest

And blond

And your voice was perfectly pitched to sweetness

I remember your hiking boots

That we could never find

But when we did

They only stayed on your feet for one hot minute


I remember gallons of water

And endless days of mud

And the complete futility of wearing anything white

I remember all the times your sweet sister read you a story

And how it easily became ‘your thing’

And how this is so dear that my heart swells every time I think of it

I remember your first birthday breakfast

How you ordered everything

And ate nothing

And sat so proudly with us like the big kids always did

I remember carousels

And Disneyland

And how you felt all cuddled up when you were scared

I remember naps with the dogs

And concussions

And tree climbing

And sippy cups

And pacifiers

And stomach pains.

I remember today.

How you are feet taller

And deep heart wiser

And one of my very favorite people to ever be around.

It is your birthday.

And this is my gift.

To get to be near enough

To pay very close attention

To remember

Happy Birthday, Silas!

Forever grateful to be your mom.

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